I have been thinking about this blog - Finding inspiration. So I think I was looking for major ephiphinal (is that even a word?) happenings. I didn't want to bring my weigh, or my knee, or anything like that. I wanted life to be life, but I am realizing that we are the product of our environment and I can't forget my past because it has shaped who I am today. So here is the thought for today:
I have tan lines on my feet!!!!! You may say, "So What." Well I am excited and proud of my tan lines. Being morbidly obese I couldn't do anything. I didn't go outside. I couldn't play with my kids, I just didn't have a good quality of life. So this Summer has been absolutely brilliant! I have tan lines period! I have been tubing down the river in Helen with my kids. I have been to the petting farm with my children. I took my babies to the lake. We went to Fernbank. We went as a family to Universal in Orlando and I did it all!
Inspiration comes from the little things in life. Things that seem insignificant may not be. Things like tan lines on your feet. I love my tan lines and look forward to seeing them again next Summer.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Finally....
Finally something inspiring. I watched the last 30 minutes of a show call Extreme Makeover: Weight Edition or something like that. This show takes a person on a year long journey to lost weight. The people are morbidly obese. I've seen it before and liked it but wasn't interested enough to find and record it. I may just change my mind. I don't know. I know I said that I wouldn't make this about my weight, so don't get me wrong about this post. I think it's absolutely brilliant she lost 202 pounds. I think it was a wonderful tribute to her mother who lost her life from complications to diabetes. What inspired me is what she said at the end, and I think more people than you know think this way.
She said and I paraphrase:
She used to be "destination happy." Meaning that we think we're going to be happy when we reach the end of the journey (with our weight), but she wanted to be "journey happy," because we should be happy along the way. She's absolutely right. We think we're going to be happy when we "reach our goal weight," "get that promotion," "win the lottery," you get the picture. We may not. We just need to put one step in front of the other and continue on. If we take our lives one step at a time, letting God lead our way, reach for Him when the potholes loom, we will be journey happy and lead a life inspired. Now to practice what I write.
She said and I paraphrase:
She used to be "destination happy." Meaning that we think we're going to be happy when we reach the end of the journey (with our weight), but she wanted to be "journey happy," because we should be happy along the way. She's absolutely right. We think we're going to be happy when we "reach our goal weight," "get that promotion," "win the lottery," you get the picture. We may not. We just need to put one step in front of the other and continue on. If we take our lives one step at a time, letting God lead our way, reach for Him when the potholes loom, we will be journey happy and lead a life inspired. Now to practice what I write.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Guilty As Charged
When I started this blog I wanted to find inspiration around every corner. I wanted to be so full of joy, inspiration, happiness and just all around well being, but that is not the case. Today I am totally uninspired. Today I feel guilty for no reason and I feel mad as hell.
First the guilt. I feel guilty that my son can't go on a church outing with kids his own age. I tried to break it to him as gently as possible, but it didn't work. He said he would use his own money, but I don't want him to do that, and I didn't think he really had enough. Not only would he need money to play the Monster golf, but he would want snacks and stuff AND that's where the money comes in. He was crying. I feel guilty that we don't have the money. I feel guilty because I am to tired to take him. I haven't been sleeping well for the past few days and I am wiped out. My husband is in a bad mood and tired as well and I have to be "on" for him and that tires me out.
I feel guilty because I didn't want to get a milkshake. My husband wanted a milkshake and I wasn't really keen on the idea. I told him the kids would want one and they had ice cream after lunch and I didn't want them to have that. He said we didn't have to get them one. Now come on, they are in the back seat and would bug the crap out of us to get them one too. I don't know if they would throw a fit. They are not like that, but I would feel bad if we got one and they didn't.
Number two reason I didn't want a milkshake is I am trying to lose weight. I allow for my treat in the evening and I wanted it then and not now. I spent a lot of money on my bariatric surgery. My insurance didn't pay for it, and I need to get this done. I've been struggling for a while now and he knows it. He is being an insensitive jerk. I am joining a new support group that will help - I'm praying for it.
Now for the mad. I am mad that I feel guilty about this stuff at all! Why should I? I shouldn't feel guilty because I can't send my son on an outing. Bad yes, guilty no. I sure as hell should not be mad that I didn't want to get a milkshake. That is taking care of myself. Why should I feel bad about that?????!!!!!! I am mad that I my husband picked the farthest parking lot when we went to Walmart when I have been telling him for that last few days how badly my knee has been hurting. I am mad that we don't have the pool that I spent a lot of money on up and running. I am mad that I can't be tired and cranky!! I am mad that my husband acts the same age as my son when he is tired and cranky! Deal with it. I am mad that I have to be "on" all the time. I am angry at my mother for being the narcissistic jerk that she is. I am mad that she has cheated me out of some of life's possibilities when I was younger. I am mad that she cheated me out of a relationship with my dad and it's it late to get it back. And last but not least I am mad at myself for being this way!
Feeling guilt in this way is not a way to an inspired life. I may have bitten off more than I can chew by trying to live one, but it doesn't mean I can't try.
First the guilt. I feel guilty that my son can't go on a church outing with kids his own age. I tried to break it to him as gently as possible, but it didn't work. He said he would use his own money, but I don't want him to do that, and I didn't think he really had enough. Not only would he need money to play the Monster golf, but he would want snacks and stuff AND that's where the money comes in. He was crying. I feel guilty that we don't have the money. I feel guilty because I am to tired to take him. I haven't been sleeping well for the past few days and I am wiped out. My husband is in a bad mood and tired as well and I have to be "on" for him and that tires me out.
I feel guilty because I didn't want to get a milkshake. My husband wanted a milkshake and I wasn't really keen on the idea. I told him the kids would want one and they had ice cream after lunch and I didn't want them to have that. He said we didn't have to get them one. Now come on, they are in the back seat and would bug the crap out of us to get them one too. I don't know if they would throw a fit. They are not like that, but I would feel bad if we got one and they didn't.
Number two reason I didn't want a milkshake is I am trying to lose weight. I allow for my treat in the evening and I wanted it then and not now. I spent a lot of money on my bariatric surgery. My insurance didn't pay for it, and I need to get this done. I've been struggling for a while now and he knows it. He is being an insensitive jerk. I am joining a new support group that will help - I'm praying for it.
Now for the mad. I am mad that I feel guilty about this stuff at all! Why should I? I shouldn't feel guilty because I can't send my son on an outing. Bad yes, guilty no. I sure as hell should not be mad that I didn't want to get a milkshake. That is taking care of myself. Why should I feel bad about that?????!!!!!! I am mad that I my husband picked the farthest parking lot when we went to Walmart when I have been telling him for that last few days how badly my knee has been hurting. I am mad that we don't have the pool that I spent a lot of money on up and running. I am mad that I can't be tired and cranky!! I am mad that my husband acts the same age as my son when he is tired and cranky! Deal with it. I am mad that I have to be "on" all the time. I am angry at my mother for being the narcissistic jerk that she is. I am mad that she has cheated me out of some of life's possibilities when I was younger. I am mad that she cheated me out of a relationship with my dad and it's it late to get it back. And last but not least I am mad at myself for being this way!
Feeling guilt in this way is not a way to an inspired life. I may have bitten off more than I can chew by trying to live one, but it doesn't mean I can't try.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Finding a Life Inspired
I saw the movie Julie and Julia, and thought that was pretty neat. I should do a blog, but what to write about? I have a lot of baking cookbooks and I could bake my way through them and write about it like the movie. I shelved that idea. I love baking, but didn't need all those cupcakes around the house. I thought about writing about my bariatric and knee replacement surgery I had last year, but decided against that. I don't mind sharing my thoughts and feelings about the journey I'm on and it will probably come up, but I didn't want it to be the focal point. My life has centered around my obesity for so long, that something needs to change. So what changed that led me to do a blog. Well I saw this video....
On Facebook I subscribe to some of the Christian pages and one had a video of a man who lost 120 pounds. Being overweight, and always trying to find motivation I decided to watch it. It was a slide show, and in the first minute or so came the words "I was inspired." The rest of the movie was good, but what stuck with me were those words "I was inspired."
I began to think, "How do we become inspired?" What is inspiration and how do we apply it to our life. We hear comments, "Oh that inspired me so much..." Okay but did it inspire you enough to do something? That's what this is about. Being inspired enough to do something about anything. Will that video inspire me enough to motivate me? I'm afraid of everything for reasons I may go into later, but now I need to be inspired enough to go forward and to stop being a duck...calmly sitting on the water while my feet frantically keep me afloat.
We'll see what happens.
On Facebook I subscribe to some of the Christian pages and one had a video of a man who lost 120 pounds. Being overweight, and always trying to find motivation I decided to watch it. It was a slide show, and in the first minute or so came the words "I was inspired." The rest of the movie was good, but what stuck with me were those words "I was inspired."
I began to think, "How do we become inspired?" What is inspiration and how do we apply it to our life. We hear comments, "Oh that inspired me so much..." Okay but did it inspire you enough to do something? That's what this is about. Being inspired enough to do something about anything. Will that video inspire me enough to motivate me? I'm afraid of everything for reasons I may go into later, but now I need to be inspired enough to go forward and to stop being a duck...calmly sitting on the water while my feet frantically keep me afloat.
We'll see what happens.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)